A Journey Made Clear

fear

ˈfir/

noun

1. an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

"drivers are threatening to quit their jobs in fear after a cabby's murder"

synonyms: terror, fright, fearfulness, horror, alarm, panic, agitation, trepidation, dread, consternation, dismay, distress;

verb

1. be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.

"he said he didn't care about life so why should he fear death?"

synonyms: be afraid of, be fearful of, be scared of, be apprehensive of, dread, live in fear of, be terrified of;

Fear can make us do crazy things. Fear can change us. Fear can turn a completely rational human being into a completely irrational one. Perceived fear can prevent us from doing amazing things. It can stop you dead in your tracks and drive you to reverse course.

I am 35 years old and I have spent most of my life in fear. Fear of failing. Fear of disappointing. Fear of people finding out I am not perfect. Fear of being judged. It is paralyzing. It is debilitating. It is isolating.

Almost 5 years years ago I began to understand how irrational my fear was. I began to recognize that my fear, though unpleasant, had driven me to overcome obstacles, drive forward despite opposition and most importantly find myself. I realized that I could not let fear control me.

The last few months my fear has followed me. Like my shadow, everywhere I turned it was there. It crept around. Today I was reminded that I am not alone. While trying to finalize marketing materials I was searching for inspiration. I decided to retrace my steps and go back to where this all started. I pulled up a map of the route that I walk to work. The route that I walked when I realized that I had more to give. The route that gave me the courage to fight my fear and move forward. I have been walking the same route since January 2015. I walk from the WTC PATH Station down to the Financial District in NYC. Due to construction and location it is always packed. I pull up a map and I start to trace my route. Church to Liberty, past Trinity Church, down Broadway to Whitehall. All these months, all those steps taken and I never realized until today that as my day started and ended I walked right past Fulton Street.

I have stood on the intersection of Church and Fulton more times then I can count.